Kwitcherbichin

You people make me sick.  You complain that all my posts are the same, but then when I wait until I have enough to say, I get bombarded with complaints that I haven't updated.  Well guess what, you'll get updates when I give them, and you will like it, bitches!

Anyways, a lot has happened since last Thursday, so I suppose I will give a recap beginning Friday. 

Friday:  I did absolutely nothing all day and it was amazing. Friday night me and Jared went to see Spiderman 2 which was pretty badass, though not the gift from above it was made out to be.

Saturday: Saturday morning I was supposed to wake up and take a practice LSAT with Jared. Of course, I left my phone on silent from the movie, so when he called to wake me up, I didn't hear the phone. However, since Jared is H.A.R.D. he just drove over to my house, walked in and dragged my sorry ass out of bed. I got a 168, which is strangely low for me. I'm chalking it up to statistical anomaly since I did so much worse than I ever have before on Logical Reasoning. Whatever. Anyways, after that we decided we had done enough work and got drunk while swimming over at his place. After I finished shedding my pasty whiteness in favor of a more eye-pleasing tan, his parents decided to take us to eat at this kick ass mexican food place. Following dinner, we came home, drank some more, and got a little poker game together. I didn't win, but whatever, it was nice to play poker somewhere other than online for once this summer.

Sunday: Woke up late, which was excellent. The big event of the day was an online poker tournament I played in the afternoon. Out of a starting pool of 1269 entrants, I finished in 6TH PLACE! I won 49 bucks, which doesn't sound like much unless you consider the buy in was only a buck. That was sweet, but after that I once again did nothing the rest of the evening.

Today: Ah yes, now we come to today's activities. I was late to class this morning, and OF COURSE we had a quiz that I missed. My English professor loves me though and let me take it at the break. We also got our first papers back, and I got an A+, unsurprisingly. Seriously, all I had to do was bang on the keyboard for 20 min and I would have written a better paper than the morons in my class. Even the people who I don't think are complete retards were complainging about their grades on the paper, which I think speaks volumes about UTA. Anyways, I am the master of that class, I rule it with an iron fist. Acting sucked today, we're just rehearsing for the scene I have to perform on Wed. Should be an easy 100.

The book we're reading right now in English is Song of Solomon, by Toni Morrison. I'm sorry, but I HATE reading racially charged books in class, it's just asking for problems. Plus, Oprah is obsessed with Toni Morrison, and this book among others of hers have all been on Oprah's book club. And I HATE Oprah. The only thing it has going for it is that she won the Nobel Prize in Literature, but I think she only won it because shes black, a woman, and writes about racism in her books. She certainly isn't a talented writer. Oh well, it will be funny when the two old guys say something incredibly dumb and racist about the book and the 10 black people in my class jump them. That will make the whole thing worth it.

To sum up my points about UTA for the summer so far. I have a 2.9 GPA at Tulane. I have a 4.0 at UTA, and I also have the highest grade in both of my classes at the moment. This is solid proof that UTA is not a real school.

Questions? Comments? At least leave them here so I can feel special about people leaving me comments, damnit!

Out.

I am a phenomenon.

Christ people, my updates are like crack for some of you.  I've had so many IMs in the past two days from people I haven't talked to in forever asking why I haven't updated in a couple days.  I just want to say, why the fuck are you reading my blog but not taking to the time to brighten my boring summer by engaging me in conversation from time to time? Whatever, it makes me feel special to have so many loyal readers.

The lack of update has mostly been from lack of news.  My English class is still as bad as ever.  Old Guy 2 (the repeat as a question guy) has backed off a bit though.  I think it's because the professor has stopped acknowledging his presence, haha.  Old Guy 1 just doesn't get it though.  Why won't he just shut the hell up? Noone gives a shit about how such in such in this story relates to such and such time when you were in pharmaceutical sales, blah blah blah.  All I hear is this: "I'm a loser like the loser in this story because I was a loser and never went to college and got a loser job and now I'm a loser Old Guy in class with kids 30 years my junior who are more intelligent than I can ever hope to be."

Or something like that.

I think the university system in America today is totally worthless.  I'm sorry, but there are just some people who shouldn't go to college.  In fact, the vast majority of people have no true need to go to college.  The new idea that everyone is entitled to a college education is total shit.  Think about it, maybe (and I'm being generous), MAYBE 5% of jobs in the country truly need a college degreed person in that role.  The rest of them are learned on the job anyways.  The result of having tons of people in college is that more and more jobs can require a college degree just because everyone has one.  Schools like UTA have no reason for existence.

Anyways...I had a scene performance in Acting yesterdat that I ROCKED, because I am that damn good. I have the highest average in the class so far, and I'm one of the few non Theater majors in the class.  UTA morons strike again!  Acting is a fun class though, better than like, History of Latin America or something.

No class tomorrow, I plan on sleeping in as late as possible.  I played in a poker tournament tonight, finished 10th of 758 or so.  Only won 45 bucks, but whatever, it was fun. 

Keep the comments coming. I'm out.

Domino Effect

My English class has become a domino effect of stupidity.  Since the two old guys have been egregiously moronic since the first day without any evident repercussions, other morons in my class have decided they should annoy the shit out of me as well.  FUCK YOU UTA, YOUR MORONIC SUB-HUMAN STUDENT BODY RUINS ALL OF MY GODDAMN SUMMERS!
 
Yeah, so I was all excited after last night because the MIGHTY RANGERS came back from 0-5 to beat the pussy ass Toronto Pink Jays 7-5, clinched by Teixiera's grand slam in the 8th. After completing the sweep of Toronto, I was all ready to beat the shit out of the White Sox for the next 3 days. But, of course, we decide (in a UTA educated fashion) to start fucking Benoit, the biggest fuck up of all time. He is second only to Chan Ho Park at the moment on my most hated Rangers list. Why have we not sent him back to AAA yet? Come on. Anyways, we were demolished. Whatever, we'll set those fuckers straight tomorrow night.
 
I just had to write a 2 page SINGLE SPACED paper for Acting class.  First off, what the fuck kind of acting class has a paper? Second off, what kind of fucking college class has SINGLE spaced papers? Ridiculous.
 
On a happy note, I made an easy 150 bucks this weekend doing bullshit work for my Dad. Hells yeah.
 
I still am behind on movie going. I suck.
 
Out.

The Schwab Owns You

Ah Fridays, how I love thee. Sleeping in 'til 1:30 pm was amazing. Then my Mom woke me up. Oh well, she took me to lunch, which was nice.
 
After lunch I spent the afternoon moving furniture for my Mom. She is having her entire house painted and all the tile redone. I'm not sure why exactly, but I just do as I'm told. After doing that for a bit, I took some weed killer and went on a killing spree in the flowerbeds. I am their Reaper, sending all those fuckers straight to hell. Fear me, dirty weeds.
 
I'm playing in a free poker tournament tonight, where the winner takes home $1,375!! Hell yeah! I don't really even care about winning, although it would be nice. The fun in poker is in the strategy and skill required to play well. People who don't play can't ever understand that, but it's true. If you read this, send a little thought of pocket Aces my way.
 
The next time any of you talk to me, please encourage me to be less of a bum. I haven't been doing jack shit all summer. I need to catch up on my reading and movie going. My laziness this summer has been fairly unacceptable.
 
Back in New Orleans in just over a month, can't wait to get back to the grind. Short post today, sorry if you expected more, bitch.
 
Out.

I'm a bum.

Well, missed a day of blogging. I was a bum yesterday, didn't go to class. It was nice not only because I got to sleep in, but I also didn't have to listen to the idiots in my English class spew their nonsense for 2 hours. Last night I went over to my buddy Tyson's apartment to play some poker. As it turns out, noone he invited to play knew how to play, nor did any of them bring any money (seriously, who doesn't bring money to a goddamn POKER game? idiots). Anyways, we ended up playing for free, which was boring and frustrating since I had to teach everyone how to play. It still shocks me that so many people can't play poker even though it's on TV constantly. Had some beers, but apparently I haven't totally lost my tolerance because I wasn't even buzzing. Oh well.

Today, unfortunately, I went to class. Low and behold, we had a quiz today in English. The sad thing is that I still made a 100 on it, and I'm sure the old guys failed it miserably. There's been a division in the ranks of the 2 old guys. Old Guy 1 continues to disagree with everything the professor says, and without fail then asks her if she agrees with him. OF COURSE SHE DOESN'T, FUCKTARD. SHE JUST SAID THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU DID. Old Guy 2 has started to repeat everything the professor says as a question. Example:

P: So we see that the stacking of these stones was foreshadowing the stoning to death of the woman.
OG2: So, the stack of stones foreshadowed the stoning?
P:.....yeah......

I shit you not, that actually happened about 10 times in class today. How can a person be that stupid, seriously. Why don't you just go commit suicide and rid the genepool of your tainted intellect.

POLITICS ALERT:
So what about Congress ditching the ban on gay marriage? I'm a happy camper. While I think the term marriage means a man and a woman, I have no problem with gay people having some equally meaningful ceremony/title for their relationship. I also support them having any rights that straight married couples have. I also am happy about the defeat because maybe this is the first step in the downfall of the religious right wing republican party. If we could just get John McCain to run for president again in 2008. He would win in a landslide (IMO). Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against religious people, and am fairly religious myself. But I am strongly of the opinion that your religious beliefs have no place in the law making process. If you can find a secular moral objection to something, that's one thing, but "the Bible says it's wrong" just doesn't fly for me in government. It shouldn't for anyone who believes in the separation of church and state.
END POLITICS RANT.

What about the MIGHTY RANGERS picking up all kinds of respect at the All Star Game? Alfonso Soriano, MVP. Michael Young, voted best SS in AL by his peers (beating Jeter and Garciaparra). Hank Blalock, voted best 3B in AL (beating ARod, the faggot ass bitch). That's right mother fuckers, the Rangers are here to stay, and with the BEST INFIELD in the majors. Suck on this, Yankees. Anyone who wants to take a trip down here to Arlington can go with me to see the MIGHTY RANGERS kick some ass at The Ballpark at Arlington, now gayly renamed Ameriquest Field in Arlington because Tom Hicks sold out the hardest stadium name in the majors.

If anyone reading this is anywhere around here this weekend give me a hollar, I have nothing to do whatsoever. Golf would be an excellent idea.

Will out.

ARGH!!!

DIE OLD GUYS IN ENGLISH! DIE!!!

It gets worse daily, my friends. The old guys in English manage to astound me with stupidity on a daily basis. Today one of them had a 20 min argument with the professor over WHAT CITY A SHORT STORY IS SET IN. First off, who gives a shit. Second off, don't you think the nice lady with the English PhD knows better than you where the goddamn story was set? CHRIST.

I have a new beef today, as well. I'd like to preface this by saying this beef has nothing to do with race, white people use this as well. But seriously, EBONICS IS NOT A VALID DIALECT. This chick in my English class today was talking for like 5 minutes in pure, moronic Ebonics. Nobody had a goddamn clue what she was saying, even the professor. She then proceeded to get upset and say something like, "wha, joo cant undastan how i tok?" I was like NO! Maybe if you spoke a civilized language suck as ENGLISH people could. Seriously, teachers who pass children that can't speak English are horrible teachers. Period.

My boy Hank Blalock let me down in the Home Run Derby, but I won't hold it against him. He is still a God among men. My Rangers are representing with 5 guys in the All Star Game tonight. Whatup bitches.

Not much else to talk about today...aced our first test in Acting, haha. What a joke. I need to go to the driving range later, I bet my swing has gone to shit. Not that it was good to begin with.

I welcome any comments, I'm feeling quite unloved. Bitches.

HTH.

I ate a big red candle.

First things first. Anchorman is quite possibly the funniest movie in years. If you have not seen it yet, you are a miserable excuse for a human.

Going back to my post on old people in my classes the other day, my situation just got worse. My English class now has a NEW old dude. He is quite possibly worse than the first. He talks just as much, but is at least 10000x more of an idiot. This is quite an achievement considering how dumb the first guy is. He cannot grasp the difference between protagonist and antagonist. WHAT THE FUCK?! This shit is learned in elementary school, how the FUCK can you not get it after an hour of discussion? He also has an egregiously annoying trailer park accent, and clothes to match. I realise that last comment was superficial, but I go to Tulane; what the hell do you expect?

Acting was more of the same kindergarten games again today. Best class ever. I'm going to get an A for playing bouncy ball. Best part? That's right, it counts as an upper-level elective. Suck this, Tulane!

My laptop battery is still fucked up. My warranty is still good, but I am too lazy to call Dell Customer Service and sit on hold for 30 minutes.

All-Star Home Run Derby is tonight, kick fucking ass. This event is so meaningless, and yet entertaining at the same time. My boy Hank Blalock is going to represent for the MIGHTY Texas Rangers who, by the way, are sitting atop the ultra competitive AL West.

If you read this, and play online poker ever, peep this. Sign up for the College Poker Championship 2005 (free) by Wednesday, and you can compete in an Early Bird freeroll this weekend with a $500 pool. All the info is here: College Poker Championship 2005

Since I am a huge dork, I spent some time today calculating law school admissions indexes for myself at a number of schools. Come to find out, at every school I'm interested in (that publishes their index, notable exclusions include Gtown, Chicago, UPenn), I either beat, or am tied with the index correlating to their 75th percentile GPA and LSAT. This means at the schools I beat it, I am an extremely probable admit, and the ones I tied (notably Duke and Northwestern) I have a very good chance. I am psyched, it's looking good for my law school prospects.

The reading for my english class has basically put my other reading on hold, which sucks but oh well.

Star Search just came on GSN, and I noticed something funny about it. The little boys on this show tend to sing girl's R&B songs, I guess because their voices havent changed yet. The funny thing is that they don't change any words, so a lot of it is kind of inapropriate for a boy to be singing. These kids are going to turn gay, mark my words.

Was that last thing insensitive? If you think so, I probably hate you.

You stay classy, San Diego.

Gene Krejci, you are my hero. Only you can pull this off without looking stupid....Oh wait, no you can't. 

A day well spent...

Well, I actually got a lot done today, which is rare for me on a Friday.

First, I only slept in til about 11, which is a major accomplishment. After that I went to eat lunch with my Mom. Mmmmm, mexican... After that, I went and got my hair cut, which is always nice because they shampoo your hair for you. So relaxing.

After the haircut, I went and got a new suit (finally). It is charcoal gray, with faint chalk pinstripes. Hart, Schaffner & Marx, so it should last me for some time. I withstood the urge to buy a new tie (I am obsessed with ties), which I am very proud of.

Then after dinner this evening, I got around to taking another practice LSAT. Scored a 171, which is okay, I guess. Brings my average to this point down to a 172. I still think I can be scoring 175 consistently by October. Anyone else out there preparing for the Oct. LSAT? Let me know.

Tomorrow I plan to do a whole lot of nothing. I want to get out to the golf course, even if I have to play by myself. Coming home this summer was a big mistake, as I do not have a single friend in town. I will not make this same mistake again. I'll say it again. ANYBODY AND EVERYBODY is invited to visit me here in the great state of Tejas. I have school M-Th mornings, other than that we can drink, swim, and play golf to our heart's content.

Does anybody know if Ken won again on Jeopardy today? I was at the store and missed it, damnit. Ken is my hero.

The local cable service here just changed all of our channels around. They said they were "grouping like channels to make channel surfing more convenient." You know what was more convenient, fucktards? KNOWING WHAT THE GODDAMN CHANNELS WERE. The cable channels here have been the same since before I can remember. DON'T FUCK WITH SOMETHING THAT IS WORKING. Bastards.

The battery on my laptop has died. It is now a slave to AC power. Damn you Dell, my warranty better cover this.

I'm out.

"Non Traditional" Students

Know who I fucking hate more than anyone at godforsaken UTA? The old people. I always end up having one or two old people in my classes there. I mean, I guess it's good that they've finally realised it's next to impossible to succeed without a college degree in this world, but could they be any more arrogant? They act as if they are doing us a favor by being in the class. I'm sorry Mr. Old Guy, just because you're old doesn't make you any less of an idiot than the other morons at UTA. In fact, since it's taken you so long to get your degree, you're probably even MORE of an idiot, if that is possible. This old guy in my English class today would NOT shut the fuck up. We were discussing a couple of short stories, and he tried to answer every fucking question the professor asked. Needless to say, he was always so wrong it was laughable. Even the professor obviously wanted him to shut the fuck up. He kept trying to argue with her about why the antagonist was really the protagonist or something stupid. I just wanted to get out of there, so I was pissed that he was holding class up.

And it isn't just this class, it's every class. Old people always seem to think that since they're old, people give two shits what they have to say. Guess what, you're my CLASSMATE dickfuck. That makes you my equal at best, my intellectual bitch more probably. Working some mindless high school diploma level job for 25 years does not excuse their annoying stupidity.

Anyways, rant over. Acting got cancelled today, woocha!

On another note, Chick Fil A chicken biscuits are the greatest breakfast of all time. If you disagree, know that you have been living your life in darkness.

I need to do another practice LSAT soon. I've been a bum the past week, haven't done any. If you read this and see me online doing nothing, chastise me for being such a bum. I need to be scoring at least 175 consistently by October. I really don't understand people who do poorly on the LSAT. Granted, I am naturally a good test taker, but even if you start out scoring 150, the LSAT is a learnable test. You should be able to score at LEAST 165 if you put in the work, I don't care who you are. If you feel bad or like I'm bragging at you, too bad. Get over it and study.

OK, end ranting for now. Perhaps I will be back later with more insights into the exciting life of Arlington, TX. Or maybe I'll put up another picture of Pat being a douche.

Ace, thanks for being the first to leave a comment. I feel so loved.

P's [(c) Adam Frey]

Since Pat found it necessary to spread libelous opinions of my blog, I have decided to expose him here with this picture, for the true douche that he is. Compare him to the absolute hardness of Matthew Bradley. 

Another day in the grind...

Just got home from my first day of the Summer II semester. This is looking to be easier than the first half of summer. My American Lit professor considers 4-5 pages our "long research paper." HAHAHA! God, this school sucks. My Acting I class is kind of like Kindergarten. We sat around in a circle on the floor and told each other our names and what our favorite TV show is. It was sooo cute *sarcasm*. Then we got to play bouncy ball and make up a scene to act out! I feel like a tool in that class, but it should be the easiest A of all time, so whatever. Oh yeah, waking up at 7 am sucks major ass.

The good thing about having class done by 12:30 is that I can bum lunch off my Dad, therefore sparing what little cash I do have. Of course, then I just have to use it to make payments on credit cards. Figures.

Did anyone watch the first installment of the World Series of Poker coverage on ESPN last night? The actual tournament happened over a month ago, but ESPN sucks at editing I guess. It was pretty cool, they're doing coverage of all the side games this year, not only the main tournament.

What about Kerry picking Edwards? Surely this isn't really news, did anyone doubt this outcome? It's a safe choice for Kerry, probably won't win the election for him though. As the economy continues to recover, Dubya's numbers aren't going anywhere but up. The American people are ultimately going to look out for their checkbook. If they really wanted to do that, they should vote Libertarian, but far be it from the American people to vote intelligently.

I need a new suit, any opinions on colors? I'm leaning towards charcoal, maybe with light chalk stripes. Let me know what you think. That is unless noone reads my poor blog, in which case I will most likely cry.

I started reading V. last night, by Pynchon. I was reading Infinite Jest by Wallace, but it was boring me to tears. Maybe if I leave it for a bit I can go back to it with renewed interest. I'm way behind on my reading for the summer, too much TV watching.

Back later with details on my sure to be exciting evening of doing nothing.

Once upon a time...

Well, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Will, and I will soon be a senior at Tulane University in New Orleans. Despite the city's best efforts, I have managed to struggle through without significant liver damage. Assuming I don't get bored, this blog will follow my exploits through my senior year, applying to law school, my master's year in Economics, and then perhaps on into my law school years.

Anyways, I just finished the first Summer Session at UT-Arlington. This school is a cesspool of absolute idiots. If it weren't for the practically free A's that boost my GPA, taking classes at home would not be worth it. I got lucky, the German III class I took first session used the same book as my German II class at Tulane (a real school), and covered chapters we covered in II. Too bad Tulane already approved my credit transfer. Suckas. I also took History of Jazz, which was actually interesting. However, it might possibly have been the easiest class I have ever taken in my entire life. To get an A in the class, I had to make a (drumroll......) 34! on the final. Coming up this half of the summer I am taking American Lit, in which we read only 2 books (haha). I assume this is because the majority of students at UTA can barely read and it will take them the whole term to struggle through these horribly difficult (read: 9th grade level) books. Fundamentals of Acting is my other free A, though I'm conflicted about taking it as it is supposed to be an incredibly easy A at Tulane that would count for my degree GPA. These summer classes are mostly just about GPA boosting for law school applications.

My summer has been insanely boring. You would think a 20 year old Econ major from a prestigious southern private school would be fairly marketable in the summer job market. Apparently not. I applied at minimum, 50 places, and didn't find a single thing. Oh well, more time to nap. So far my summer has consisted of:

Wake Up.
Go to class, sleep through class, make As.
Go home, watch TV, take nap, generally bum around.
Wake up to eat dinner.
More bumming.
Talk to girlfriend on phone.
Shower (sometimes, I'm a bum).
Sleep.

and Repeat.

My girlfriend just visited me over the 4th weekend. We had a good time. We looked at engagement rings together for the first time, and, surprisingly, I wasn't weirded out at all. She even preferred rocks smaller than I had planned on (woot!). I also kicked her ass at mini golf and car racing at Malibu. She did kick my ass at winning tickets in the game room, but I still claim victory for the weekend. Her sister is getting married at the end of the month, they asked me to be an Usher, which is pretty cool. I need to buy a new suit, but I'm poor and going to Tulane has made me a brand name whore. Oh well. Tiffany (my girlfriend) is going to the lake this weekend at home with a lot of my fraternity brothers and a couple of her close friends who also date guys in my fraternity. I am anxiously awaiting the deluge of "keep it in the family, bro" emails.

I suppose for the rest of the summer, most of my entries will either be about movies (and my unholy obsession with them), or funny stories about the idiots I go to school with. Hopefully my life will pick up in the fall.