Kwitcherbichin
You people make me sick. You complain that all my posts are the same, but then when I wait until I have enough to say, I get bombarded with complaints that I haven't updated. Well guess what, you'll get updates when I give them, and you will like it, bitches!
Anyways, a lot has happened since last Thursday, so I suppose I will give a recap beginning Friday.
Friday: I did absolutely nothing all day and it was amazing. Friday night me and Jared went to see Spiderman 2 which was pretty badass, though not the gift from above it was made out to be.
Saturday: Saturday morning I was supposed to wake up and take a practice LSAT with Jared. Of course, I left my phone on silent from the movie, so when he called to wake me up, I didn't hear the phone. However, since Jared is H.A.R.D. he just drove over to my house, walked in and dragged my sorry ass out of bed. I got a 168, which is strangely low for me. I'm chalking it up to statistical anomaly since I did so much worse than I ever have before on Logical Reasoning. Whatever. Anyways, after that we decided we had done enough work and got drunk while swimming over at his place. After I finished shedding my pasty whiteness in favor of a more eye-pleasing tan, his parents decided to take us to eat at this kick ass mexican food place. Following dinner, we came home, drank some more, and got a little poker game together. I didn't win, but whatever, it was nice to play poker somewhere other than online for once this summer.
Sunday: Woke up late, which was excellent. The big event of the day was an online poker tournament I played in the afternoon. Out of a starting pool of 1269 entrants, I finished in 6TH PLACE! I won 49 bucks, which doesn't sound like much unless you consider the buy in was only a buck. That was sweet, but after that I once again did nothing the rest of the evening.
Today: Ah yes, now we come to today's activities. I was late to class this morning, and OF COURSE we had a quiz that I missed. My English professor loves me though and let me take it at the break. We also got our first papers back, and I got an A+, unsurprisingly. Seriously, all I had to do was bang on the keyboard for 20 min and I would have written a better paper than the morons in my class. Even the people who I don't think are complete retards were complainging about their grades on the paper, which I think speaks volumes about UTA. Anyways, I am the master of that class, I rule it with an iron fist. Acting sucked today, we're just rehearsing for the scene I have to perform on Wed. Should be an easy 100.
The book we're reading right now in English is Song of Solomon, by Toni Morrison. I'm sorry, but I HATE reading racially charged books in class, it's just asking for problems. Plus, Oprah is obsessed with Toni Morrison, and this book among others of hers have all been on Oprah's book club. And I HATE Oprah. The only thing it has going for it is that she won the Nobel Prize in Literature, but I think she only won it because shes black, a woman, and writes about racism in her books. She certainly isn't a talented writer. Oh well, it will be funny when the two old guys say something incredibly dumb and racist about the book and the 10 black people in my class jump them. That will make the whole thing worth it.
To sum up my points about UTA for the summer so far. I have a 2.9 GPA at Tulane. I have a 4.0 at UTA, and I also have the highest grade in both of my classes at the moment. This is solid proof that UTA is not a real school.
Questions? Comments? At least leave them here so I can feel special about people leaving me comments, damnit!
Out.
Anyways, a lot has happened since last Thursday, so I suppose I will give a recap beginning Friday.
Friday: I did absolutely nothing all day and it was amazing. Friday night me and Jared went to see Spiderman 2 which was pretty badass, though not the gift from above it was made out to be.
Saturday: Saturday morning I was supposed to wake up and take a practice LSAT with Jared. Of course, I left my phone on silent from the movie, so when he called to wake me up, I didn't hear the phone. However, since Jared is H.A.R.D. he just drove over to my house, walked in and dragged my sorry ass out of bed. I got a 168, which is strangely low for me. I'm chalking it up to statistical anomaly since I did so much worse than I ever have before on Logical Reasoning. Whatever. Anyways, after that we decided we had done enough work and got drunk while swimming over at his place. After I finished shedding my pasty whiteness in favor of a more eye-pleasing tan, his parents decided to take us to eat at this kick ass mexican food place. Following dinner, we came home, drank some more, and got a little poker game together. I didn't win, but whatever, it was nice to play poker somewhere other than online for once this summer.
Sunday: Woke up late, which was excellent. The big event of the day was an online poker tournament I played in the afternoon. Out of a starting pool of 1269 entrants, I finished in 6TH PLACE! I won 49 bucks, which doesn't sound like much unless you consider the buy in was only a buck. That was sweet, but after that I once again did nothing the rest of the evening.
Today: Ah yes, now we come to today's activities. I was late to class this morning, and OF COURSE we had a quiz that I missed. My English professor loves me though and let me take it at the break. We also got our first papers back, and I got an A+, unsurprisingly. Seriously, all I had to do was bang on the keyboard for 20 min and I would have written a better paper than the morons in my class. Even the people who I don't think are complete retards were complainging about their grades on the paper, which I think speaks volumes about UTA. Anyways, I am the master of that class, I rule it with an iron fist. Acting sucked today, we're just rehearsing for the scene I have to perform on Wed. Should be an easy 100.
The book we're reading right now in English is Song of Solomon, by Toni Morrison. I'm sorry, but I HATE reading racially charged books in class, it's just asking for problems. Plus, Oprah is obsessed with Toni Morrison, and this book among others of hers have all been on Oprah's book club. And I HATE Oprah. The only thing it has going for it is that she won the Nobel Prize in Literature, but I think she only won it because shes black, a woman, and writes about racism in her books. She certainly isn't a talented writer. Oh well, it will be funny when the two old guys say something incredibly dumb and racist about the book and the 10 black people in my class jump them. That will make the whole thing worth it.
To sum up my points about UTA for the summer so far. I have a 2.9 GPA at Tulane. I have a 4.0 at UTA, and I also have the highest grade in both of my classes at the moment. This is solid proof that UTA is not a real school.
Questions? Comments? At least leave them here so I can feel special about people leaving me comments, damnit!
Out.
1 Comments:
“[Insert Latin Phrase that May or May Not Make Sense]: A Post for the Hostile Learning Environment”
Will, sometimes I might be a little too hard on the H.L.E. Yes, I said hard on. I do believe at one point I told you that reading a new Hostile Learning Environment post is duller than watching Canadian Parliament on C-SPAN 2. But you said it yourself, it’s like crack cocaine for all of us. My teeth fall out until you update. And then I habitually lick my lips after taking a new hit, its title being anything from an Anchorman quote to a cleverly-constructed faux-German word that really contains a hidden message!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 (You’re a genius).
Next, you consistently grab your readers with either a desperate apology for the tardiness of your latest update (the word ‘bum’ appears quite often) or a thick-skinned pasting of the few interested readers. That’s what makes this web log so brilliant: you strike a happy medium of displaying anxiety about how many people read H.L.E. (“I welcome any comments, I’m feeling quite unloved”) and expressing criticism of loyal readers’ dependence on your new material (“I’ve had so many IMs…asking why I haven’t updated in a couple days”). How many is so many? I imagine you’d put ‘so’ in italics if blogspot.com allowed it. Or maybe it’s just that I have a Salingerian fascination with italics.
And the brilliance of H.L.E. is a double-edged sword. Let’s say you have ten loyal readers who check at least once a day for a new post (that’s a fair estimate). It’s actually an astronomical estimate considering you only have three people making their presence known with comments. Do you think new readers appreciate the way you belittle your supposed fans? You’re making your web log less and less accessible with each new post.
The body of each post is pretty similar with each new update. You’ll definitely mention your English class at UTA at least once, but not without throwing down words such as “worthless,” “loser,” “moronic,” and “fucktard.” I’ve grown to appreciate how predictable your UTA anecdotes can be; I’m waiting for the day you say something to the effect of “I finally sat down and got to know those two elderly gentlemen in my English class. They are really upstanding citizens, and I appreciate their refreshing desire for knowledge even at such a FUCKING OLD AGE.” You’ll then mention one of any number of things, wrapping up the post: the MIGHTY RANGERS, politics, what time you awakened that particular day, etc.
But it’s the little things I appreciate. And this is sincere. Like how you use the British “realise" or how you call yourself a “rising senior.” Little things like that. And you end each post with a detached yet genuine “Out.” No fancy signoff needed, just consistency. And that’s what keeps us coming back for more. Bitches.
P.T.
Post a Comment
<< Home